An Ode to my Parents

When my father passed away on 18-Jan-2003, at 78, he left behind my mother with us. So we could carry on by feeling  the vacuum only partly. Now my mother too has left us for heavenly abode on 03-Feb-2016 at 82, after 13 years after my father's death. We feel total vacuum in our lives now. We abundantly feel the absence of our parents. We now realize the difference between leading life with parents and leading life without parents. One realizes at some point in one's life, how the parents shape our lives, how they teach us values and morals, how they inculcate religion and bhakti in our minds, and how they pass on traditions and beliefs to us. Many a times, parents set an example before us to follow.

I have spent initial 22 years as a student with my parents, and then as a young bachelor for 6 years. Subsequently after marriage, along with my wife, I have spent 29 years with my parents as a joint family.  Thus personally I have ended up spending 57 years of my life with my parents. This arithmetically proves how much I miss my parents now.

Saint Thiruvalluvar composed Thirukkural in Tamil between 2 BCE and 5 CE with 1330 couplets. Kural in Tamil means short couplet with a total of 7 words, 4 in the first line and 3 in the second line. What Twitter has designed in the 21st Century,  by restricting the tweets to 140 characters, Saint Thiruvalluvar had introduced Kural concept even in BCE.

Shri. Gopalakrishna Gandhi, a former administrator, diplomat and Governor of WB, grandson of Mahatma Gandhi, and daamaad of Shri. Chakravarthi Rajagopalachari, who also happens to be my father's contemporary and former colleague in TN Raj bhavan, in his recent book "Thirukkural" has wonderfully translated all the 1330 couplets into English. (This book is in my current reading list. I met him at the Hindu Litfest after many years). I am quoting a few relevant couplets from his book on this somber occasion.

"On Impermanence"

331) "That life's tree will always be in leaf. Is a foolish and fond belief."

334) "The day, I see, as a day, of course, but also another way. As a fine-toothed saw that saws life down day by day by day."

336) "Here today, gone tomorrow. Fun today, tomorrow sorrow. Wondrous indeed is this odd world".

337) " None can tell if she or he will last the day today. And yet we go, fools that we are, planning and plotting away".

338) "As the restive bird, singing abandons it nest. So the soul flees the body, tired of being its guest".

339) "Death's but a nap' says old wisdom. But birth?  A break in the soul's freedom".

340) "The soul is a wanderer, a wanderer is she. She sits in the body, just waiting to flee".

Going back to my parents, both my parents belong to the Sub-sect of "Pazhamaaneri Brahacharanam" a South Indian Hindu Brahmin Aiyer family from Thanjavur. My father's native is Thiruvaiyaru and my mother's native is Ranganathapuram, both in Thanjavur Dist. Their relations were settled and spread in Onbathuveli, Thirukaattupalli, Koothur, and Vishnampet Villages around. The Tanjore culture will be evident and marked in our tradition, style, culture, religion, food, and language.

My forefathers starting from my grandfather were all Doctors/Surgeons by medical profession in the olden days. In those times, there were no qualified medical professionals. My great-great grandfather Vaidyam Subbaiyer and his grandson Swaminathan and his great grandson Natarajan were all in medical profession during their times.

My father migrated to Chennai during the British rule and joined the Legal Secretariat of the British administration. Subsequently he was posted to the Governor's Secretariat in Tamilnadu. He then accompanied Governor Shriprakasa, (the then Governor of TN when Shri. Chakravarti Rajagopalachari was the CM of TN) to Bombay when he was transferred as the Governor of Maharashtra. My father spent more than 6 years in Bombay and then returned to home cadre in TN, back to Raj Bhavan in Chennai.  I was born to my parents when they were in Bombay.

By serving 14 Governors at a stretch in Raj Bhavan TN for more than 3 decades, he grew from position to position and reached the pinnacle of his career as the Secretary to the Governor of TN. He was virtually the brainwork behind the Governor in those days both in administration and writing speeches for various Governors. He had handled President's rule in TN twice in his career. He made himself indispensable in his position during his times. He did not want both his sons to opt for government service.

My father is an assiduous self-made man, a voracious reader and built a legion of literary, philosophic, religious, science, and non-fiction books at home. He had a variety of Dictionaries for his reference. During his time, there was no Google. He has left behind a legion of his books as his legacy which I preserve and cherish. I imbibed my reading habit from my father. He was a lover of fountain pens and had a myriad collection of it.

My mother was 14 years when she was married to my father, who was 23 years at the time of his marriage. She delivered the first male child (my elder brother) when she was 15 years. My mother, from being a humble home maker, suddenly was exposed to Bombay culture with her Parsi family neighbors and forced to learn and speak Hindi when she lived in Bombay. Then she had to move with VVIPs and VIPs along with my father in his career. She nicely got herself adjusted to all this and picked up a lot of confidence, courage and exposure in her life. Later both my parents spent about 12 years with me in New Delhi when I had to shift to Delhi to take up a bank job. I can never forget the Badrinath and Kedarnath pilgrimage and trip to Shimla, Manali and Kulu with them along with my daughter, who was a small child then. My daughter spent a lot of time playing with her grandparents, who were very fond of her. When my daughter was born, my father composed a poem describing her as a Rajakumari. (Princess) But unfortunately he did not survive to see my daughter going to USA for study and career. But she carried his abundant blessings with her. Fortunately my mother survived then to see off my daughter going abroad. She took great pride and pleasure to see her grandsons and granddaughter going to USA. She was always fond of her grandsons, great grandson, grand daughter and great granddaughter. We performed Kanakabhishekam to our mother in 2008 on the occasion of the birth of great grandson who is her straight fourth generation.

We are now left only with their memories, which we go on recollecting every now and then incident after incident. I can go on extolling the honor of my parents veritably in this blog in order to eulogize and enliven their memories. But mainly I am writing this blog for posterity. I am picking up this quote from my father's handwritten quote.

 "People will not look forward to posterity, who never look backward to their ancestors. Respecting your forefathers, you would have been taught to respect yourselves." ~ Edmund Burke.

May my parents souls rest in peace! May God give us the strength to bear this loss! Life must go on.